My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
