trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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