omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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