the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
