How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
