so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
