3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
