talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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