Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
These tits shall not be calmed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
