I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
