i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
