The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
