Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
