Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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