You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
