just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
