sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
