I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
