I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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