idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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