White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
