he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
