someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
