I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
