Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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