Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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