I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i need to put some appletini on your dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
