We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
