i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
