There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
