Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
