i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
