we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
