yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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