Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im six kinds of drunk right now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
