***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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