Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
