I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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