this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
