im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
