Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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