I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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