How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
