Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
