So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize