So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
