Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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