But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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