You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
