I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
