pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
